with foggy sexual abuse memories struggling with shutting down 

when you try to explain what is going on with you.

Do you wish you had the support of the man you married but shut down when you try to explain what is going on with you?

What if you were equipped to know what to say and how to say it to turn your husband into your greatest ally?

Tom's Plea to Wives

Please keep trying. My wife can help you do that. Listen to my message.

This message is for you wives from me. First of all, thank you that you are desiring and wanting to find a way past what happened to you and through it. I don’t know where I would be in my marriage right now if my wife Vicki, didn’t take those steps and have the desire to work through and beyond what had happened. And I will tell you, I have so much respect for her and I have so much respect for you for doing what you do. And I want to encourage you to not stop, because it works. I have seen the horrible effects of what the trauma has done to my wife and what it potentially could have done to our marriage and the difficulties that it did cause. But what always happened and what always was tried and true is that Vicki never quit.

Whenever I think about her and her journey in all of this, and our journey and all of this, is that Vicki never quit. She always tried to figure out to work on herself to learn how to heal and move forward. And in doing so it was the effect of that, not just for her but for her and me as a couple, as a married couple, and as parents raising our children, our seven children. Oh my gosh, to be able to do that properly without healing through, this wouldn’t have been able to work. So please have confidence that everything that you’re doing, all that you’re working on, everything that you want to figure out is positive. And I will tell you from my experience, the more that you do it, the more that Vicki did it, the more that I was able to watch and react and respond and realize how awesome it was … but also I was able to realize, oh my gosh, it works.

We can come past this, she can come past this, and we as a couple can move forward and don’t have to just be victims forever. We can be survivors, and not just survivors, but we can move forward and beyond and have a happy, beautiful, wonderful marriage and parenting time, and time together as we move forward that wouldn’t have existed before. And the other thing that came out of all Vicki’s hard work and that I hope would come out of your hard work is as I watched her work on herself, I realized you know what, I bet I have my own work to do. And I found that I did. And when I started digging in on myself and working through my situations, different from hers, but traumatic nonetheless, it allowed me to improve myself as a person.

Now we’re two people working on each other and on the marriage. How much quicker is that going to work and heal and to what degree is it going to get better when two people are working on themselves and then supporting each other in a process too? Oh my gosh, the sky is the limit is what can happen and how quickly it can happen when you don’t quit. So kudos and applause to you for everything you’re doing. Don’t stop. You’ve got our support and I hope you believe you have the support of your husband in it also. And always remember to keep working on yourself because you being the best version of yourself, it will allow you to be the person you need to be for others. So continue to work on yourself. Don’t stop, be hopeful. It will work. It does work. We’ve been there. We’re doing it, and it will be and make for you an extraordinary marriage. Absolutely. Congratulations on what you’re doing and keep up the hard work!

Struggling? Not sure you want to make the effort to stick it out with your husband?

Check out Vicki's book:

The Wife's Alphabet

Out of the River

A Parable of Empowerment, Freedom, and Truth

Out of the River book cover